Lil Boi Skip. (riotpixiestyle) wrote,
Lil Boi Skip.

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This Too Shall Pass

Sometimes I just can't take it. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am terrified that I don't have the strength to hold it or that I am going to stumble and it will just fall out of my grasp and shatter into a million pieces.

I swear, I try to be a positive person. I try. I try to push away the bad, or at least keep it to myself. I try not to bitch or whine because I know that so many people have it or have had it worse than I have. I try to be the strong friend, the comic, the shoulder to cry on, the arms to hold you up if ever you fall, the ear that will listen and the voice that will offer whatever advise or solace I possibly can. My friends are dear to me.. especially here, where all I have is myself. I would take on any and all of their troubles if I could. Sometimes I vent and I feel bad. Not because I necessarily believe it to be a sign of weakness, but because I prefer to be the helper and not the help. Because even when things are bad, I just want to push it all down and away. I try to be a good person. I'd give my last dollar to a friend, I spare money to the homeless or buy them food when I can, I do what I can because I want to make this place even the teeniest bit better when I leave it than when I came in. I just don't understand why.. I don't know.. I'm not saying I want a perfect life. I'm not even saying it has to be easy.. But this shit is just getting so ridiculous.

My grip is just slipping.. Being on your own is hard. The bills pour in, the job is stressful, the.. well. I don't want to offend anyone, so I'll leave it at that.

I just had such a bad day today. It was one thing. On top of another. On top of another. In a perfectly sequential order. One down, next one is up to bat. I don't cry.. at least not for anyone to see (unless I'm drunk and I lose my coat, ha).. but I lost it today.

I don't want to lose it. Cool.. calm.. collected. Please. Every night or morning when I see it's 11:11, I always wish something good for someone else. Whoever my thoughts are with at the time.. "I hope so and so has a great day today" etc. Tonight I wished for myself and I felt selfish for it.

I love life and I don't want to begin hating it. I don't want to be bitter. I want to keep thinking "one day at a time", "it could always be worse", "it will get better" etc. I just want to smile through it and hold back the tears.

I need the strength. Sometimes I need to be held. I need to see a silver lining. All I see are clouds.

I'm sorry for venting. I figured if I put it here... people read it if they want.. and don't if they don't.. then I'm not burdening anyone.

This too shall pass.

It will get better.

There is a silver lining.

Keep smiling.

Don't cry.

Eyes to the sky.

Be proud.

It. Will. Be. Okay.
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Hey boo.....we havent talked in a really looooooooong time, but i still read your posts.....
I know how it is.....if you ever need anyone to vent to...or just shoot the shit with......i'm here.....
stick in there......and if you cry i wont tell anyone ;-)
Good to know this fucking job is weighing down on someone else. I almost lost it a good few times yesterday too...Spent about 3 hours sitting at my desk with a lump in my throat.

Lets go out after work tonight and get shitty. Let's go to...Gingers. Or somewhere else. I don't care.
i would ha but i had to pay a 300 dollar electric bill the other day lol and i have to reissue 600 check to the apt. people and i have to send in this comings months rent on friday.. and i had to pay my credit card. i'm kinda tapped out.

it's not just the job though. it's everything. i actually don't mind the job (a good amount of the time) except when ktdubs runs her mouth and says things she shouldn't say to me and then i also find out from her that the new paralegal who's starting is taking over my acct.
you gotta let it out. if not to someone specifically than to the eljay. don't push that shit down cause that doesn't make it go away.
call me and we will chat over tv and bad food
you have run away from my love heart! haha
what are you doing today/tomorrow? i needs my gloves, i have a game saturday