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Tuesday, April 10th, 2012
2:33 pm - Looky Looky
Look at me! I am posting an entry! it was suggested by my therapist to keep a journal. I told her that it would be easiest for me to keep something online, otherwise it would most likely never happen. It barely happens when it's online, as it is! Haha, but at least this way something will get written down sometimes. And I might as well continue to use this LiveJournal, as it is the journal I have consistently used over the years, ever since I was a teenager.

Anyhow, this will be a great outlet for thoughts... I have such a tendency to think about things and not let them go. I think about them until they DIE hahaha. Around and around and around, like a tornado. This will help me process and make them external and get them out of my brain. I can write/type them to death and that can just be the end of it. We will see how this goes (and how long I can keep it up).

So many changes! I read through this LJ once in a blue moon and I think it is absolutely crazy to see the things I wrote and the stuff I was doing when I was younger. Not that I was doing anything crazy, by any means. I was just sooooooo incredibly different.

Anyways, back to work. I will update more when I get home tonight, I think. And catch everyone up in LJ land :)
hey ya?
Friday, July 10th, 2009
9:51 am - Oh, Musicals..
Gosh, I love musicals.. For my teaching fellowship program, I won a $25 gift card from Barnes and Noble and when my lady friend and I went, the only thing I could think to buy were DVDs because I really didn't need another book at the moment. So... I got Heathers, at the reccomendation of some coworkers since I had never seen it (I still need to watch it). But I also got Hair (my favorite musical of all time) and Tommy (because I'm obsessed with Elton John haha). Anyhow... I'm sitting in the computer lab at my grad school, waiting for my lady to get finished (she goes to a different university, but she is here for the next few Fridays for some course thing), and this boy comes in and sits down right by me. His iPod is blasting the Hair soundtrack and I just sorta look over at him and he gets this sheepish look on his face and was like oh, I'm sorry. I go hey, it's cool - that's my favorite musical. So then we get to chatting about theatre and musicals and all sorts of things. It was nice. Then he invited me to come out to this production workshop thingy that he and his company (or whatever they're called) is putting on on Wednesday. Maybe I'll check it out.


Wednesday, 3:00, 41 Park Row, friend of Mike - I put it here so I don't forget ha
hey ya?
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
6:04 pm - Oh, Pandora
I have to go to the bathroom soooo bad, but someone is taking a shower. At least... they were. I have my headphones on, listening to music, so they very well may have finished their shower. I will investigate this further when I finish this thing.

So lately, it's been tough. But when is it not tough? I guess the older you get, the more you just realize that 'Life's a Bitch' and you just deal with it. I had a whopper of crap within the last 8 or so weeks, though. I don't really want to get into it too much right now, but things are getting easier I reckon. We shall see.

I just wanted to give a quick update before posting something more substantial. I hope everyone is doing well.
hey ya?
Sunday, June 21st, 2009
12:27 pm - Bloggity Blog
Oh, LiveJournal... I always mean to write in you, I swear. But then I forget to write in you. Though, recently, I was looking through my journal entries over the years and I just had to laugh. I mean, I've had this journal since I was in high school. It's filled with drama (drama drama drama), humor (some stemming from the drama), sadness, happiness, loves found, loves lost, friends found, friends lost, etc. etc. etc. I'd be tempted to write more if LJ weren't blocked at work... but it is. By the time I get home, or elsewhere, I lose motivation. :(

I have a lot to say to catch up with my lack of posting.

Hm... To summarize for now:

1. I'm still in NYC

2. I miss Florida

3. I don't know, however, if I would want to move back to Florida

4. Apparently there are rumors circulating down south that I'm coming back.

5. I've had one of the toughest 6 or so weeks ever. I am truly not trying to let it effect me, but that isn't the case most of the time. It's just hard to process and you can't act happy and shiny all of the time when such things occur.

I'll just leave it be at that for now, until I find the words for the rest.
hey ya?
Monday, December 29th, 2008
12:11 pm - Just Sayin'..
"Who You'd Be Today"

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.


Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.
hey ya?
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
4:09 pm - It's Not Even Summer Yet!
And it's already ridiculously hot outside. Not only is it ridiculously hot, but I mean.. whooooo... it is hot. In a ridiculous amount. If this hot were an animal, I'd probably shoot it. Bang bang.

Anyways.. Last week of work here.. That's exciting.. other things... not as exciting.. But I mean, hey. I'd prefer not to get into it. Only 50 more minutes of work and then I'm going home. I haven't done shit today. Ha.
hey ya?
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
11:51 pm - Is it Thursday? Maybe it's technically Friday.. same difference.
Okay, so I'm on these meds that make me uber loopy. Why? Because I'm a sickypants. Not that there is any surprise there. But I managed to get pretty sick this time around. I went to the Doctor on Tuesday. He said I was basically in the onset of pneumonia and if I didn't have complete bed rest for several days that I'd get it. So he prescribed a bunch of crap and I have been a good kid and taking all my meds and staying in bed. I'm going to work tomorrow though. It's Friday, so it shouldn't be too terribly bad. I will take it easy.

We have rugby on Saturday (of course) against Doylestown. I should be okay to play, says the doc not me. I'm not being stubborn. I'd like to play. We'll see how I feel when it's Saturday though..

Anywho... not much to say. I'm way out of it and trying to make myself eat soup before I pass out. All I had today was a PBJ around 8pmish.. I know I need to eat.. but really.. I haven't had any appetite at all..

Boo.
hey ya?
Monday, February 25th, 2008
11:51 pm - This Too Shall Pass
Sometimes I just can't take it. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am terrified that I don't have the strength to hold it or that I am going to stumble and it will just fall out of my grasp and shatter into a million pieces.

I swear, I try to be a positive person. I try. I try to push away the bad, or at least keep it to myself. I try not to bitch or whine because I know that so many people have it or have had it worse than I have. I try to be the strong friend, the comic, the shoulder to cry on, the arms to hold you up if ever you fall, the ear that will listen and the voice that will offer whatever advise or solace I possibly can. My friends are dear to me.. especially here, where all I have is myself. I would take on any and all of their troubles if I could. Sometimes I vent and I feel bad. Not because I necessarily believe it to be a sign of weakness, but because I prefer to be the helper and not the help. Because even when things are bad, I just want to push it all down and away. I try to be a good person. I'd give my last dollar to a friend, I spare money to the homeless or buy them food when I can, I do what I can because I want to make this place even the teeniest bit better when I leave it than when I came in. I just don't understand why.. I don't know.. I'm not saying I want a perfect life. I'm not even saying it has to be easy.. But this shit is just getting so ridiculous.

My grip is just slipping.. Being on your own is hard. The bills pour in, the job is stressful, the.. well. I don't want to offend anyone, so I'll leave it at that.

I just had such a bad day today. It was one thing. On top of another. On top of another. In a perfectly sequential order. One down, next one is up to bat. I don't cry.. at least not for anyone to see (unless I'm drunk and I lose my coat, ha).. but I lost it today.

I don't want to lose it. Cool.. calm.. collected. Please. Every night or morning when I see it's 11:11, I always wish something good for someone else. Whoever my thoughts are with at the time.. "I hope so and so has a great day today" etc. Tonight I wished for myself and I felt selfish for it.

I love life and I don't want to begin hating it. I don't want to be bitter. I want to keep thinking "one day at a time", "it could always be worse", "it will get better" etc. I just want to smile through it and hold back the tears.

I need the strength. Sometimes I need to be held. I need to see a silver lining. All I see are clouds.

I'm sorry for venting. I figured if I put it here... people read it if they want.. and don't if they don't.. then I'm not burdening anyone.

This too shall pass.

It will get better.

There is a silver lining.

Keep smiling.

Don't cry.

Eyes to the sky.

Be proud.

It. Will. Be. Okay.

current mood: scared
6 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
10:50 am - Filing is for the DEVIL
Yeah, you heard right. And don't you forget it either.

I think I'm hungry, but I can't rightly tell. I haven't really had an appetite lately. Don't ask me why. Dinner last night consisted of Parmesan Basil wheat thins, hummus and this dippable eggplant stuff. I used to despise eggplant, but that stuff was pretty good.

Today is so-far-so-good. After this, I will begin kerplunking around finding work to do. Fun fun for everyone.

So everything is going nicely. I am trying to concoct a magical show of wonders in April. If I pull off what I want, it will be pretty damn sweet. Sweet sweet sweet. More details to come on that as my idea blooms a bit more and the gears start to turn.

In other news: I admit, I kind of like meatloaf. I am ridiculously tired because my roommate kept me up last night looking for the "perfect" karaoke songs.. I had fun, but that was extensive research for.. karaoke. haha.

So yeah, I am a ball of excitement. I am going to see some show tonight. My friend's friend's band Haha. Well, I sort of know one of them kinda. And sorta another. But still. And another someone I know is also having a show tonight and wants me to go. I have NO earthly idea where the venues are in relation to one another.

Such is life.
3 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Monday, February 18th, 2008
4:37 am - Ding Dong
Where have all the cowboys gooone?
You know, back in the day... It was pretty catchy. I admit it, I like the stupid song.
Whatever.
This is the first time I stayed up so late playing in the computer in quite some time.
My eyes are mad at me. They might as well be hissing like demon kitties.. I should find some eyedrops to content them.
Where are all my peoples?
I spent a long time looking through old journal entries from a long long time ago.
I miss playing with this thing. and I miss the friends who used to read this that I would converse with.
Converse with me!
It will be fun, I swear.
It's true.
Why does it not snow in NY when Skippies are here?
Aye dios mio.
hey ya?
1:45 am - Hey you
Hey there, Buddy. It's been quite some time since I chatted with you. I just left you a comment on your livejournal... I still go there from time to time because it's a piece of you since you wrote those blogs. Goddamn, I miss you so ridiculously much. It will be 6 years this year since you left me. You would have been 25 this summer. I don't even really know what all to say. So much has happened.. 6 years, that's a long time. I still remember our adventures as if they were yesterday though. I still remember your voice. I remember your apartment and your dog... I remember when you made me walk through Terrors of the Deep, even though you knew I HATED sharks and specifically told you I would never ever go into that damn tunnel. I remember our dates at Pointe Orlando.. dinner and a movie. I could not tell you ONE movie we saw, I was too nervous haha. I remember... man, you know.... I just remember everything. I'll always remember it. You were my first true love. You were my best friend. I'd do anything for you. I hope that you are happy wherever you are. I know you're watching over me. I know you know I think about you. And I know you're thinking "damn, you're so repetitive". I know I am.. I'm just a little sad right now, so things are just stringing along.
Anyhow.. time to stop being said.
I just wanted to say hi, baby. And I miss you. I love you.
2 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
5:50 pm - My poor little skippy brain
What a day. I hate having "freak out" moments at work. You know? Those moments/situations that weren't necessarily bad, but they could have been really. bad. You know? Well yay for fixing things, but boo for anxiety attacks. Whatever. Close call, but wasn't fun.

Otherwise, I reckon things are going peachy. It's already Wednesday, which I find to be ridiculous. I'm just sitting at work right now killing time before meeting a friend for dinner in Chinatown. Excitement galore.

Ho Hum..

Let's see, what else..

I need to get off my tail and start studying for the damn GREs. I have the prep book I bought.. so it would probably beneficial to open it and actually read it. Then I have to research schools and decide what I want to focus on. Number 1 on my list is Social Work. Number 2 is English.. and well... I just have to look and think and see if anything else catches my eye. There's a lot more to it all, floating up in this head of mine, but I just wanted to leave you with an idea.

Rugby is about to start and I am so very excited for that. I need it. I can honestly say I can't picture myself ever not playing. That will be a sad day. It's quite fun and therapeutic. All that good stuff. Shit, if you play, you know what I'm talking about.
Actually, I'm on the board for the club now. There's an awful lot more to it than I initially thought there would be. I'm not particularly happy about it, but I don't particularly mind either. We shall see how it goes. :)

current mood: stressed
hey ya?
Sunday, February 10th, 2008
5:49 pm - Yes.
It felt like time to update this devil journal. I suck at journaling, I swear. I remember when livejournal was the it thing(myspace of the 90's and early 2000's lol). Ah well.

So things are decent.. the weather confused me today because it couldn't seem to make up it's mind. New York is an odd bug. I miss Florida. I have a lot of confusion in my head on where i really want to be and/or what I really want to be doing... I wanna go back to florida. someday. that is where i will end up, i'm pretty sure. it's not so bad down there. but i don't think i'm ready to go back anytime soon. we'll see, i reckon. we will see. new york is growing on me... i have a lot of very good friends here (which is what makes me not want to leave. i knew i should have secluded myself inside my apartment and had no fun! ha).. we'll have to see, i guess. i wish i could have the best of both worlds.. maybe i should just try to plan a weekend visit every other month or something that way i'm not so far removed from back home (the place, friends, family, ya know).

i don't know.

i'm studying for the gre. grad school, yay. they weren't lying when they said "college is the best years of your life" it is so very true. i would like to go back, please. haha.
i think i'm going to go to grad school up here.

i've gotten very pale since i moved here.. i always swore i'd never be a pasty northern kid. well. shit. haha

this post is all over the place... i think i find it more appealing to update when i don't make myself stick to structure. usually, i have to plan out what i write, etc...

i moreso dig just typing randomly. true thoughts and shit come out that way. perhaps. or maybe it's more garbled up.

how do you suppose true happiness is achieved? i don't know.

it seems to me.. for the most part as you go through life you're like "this suckkkks". but then down the road you look back and you're like "man, i was such an idiot. that was a great time in my life". i do that a lot. like a year or two from now, ill look back (wherever i am) at where i am now. just starting out on my own in a strange new city with nobody but myself and i will be like wow, those were some amazing experiences.
i'm sure you get what i'm saying..

sigh.

growing up is hard. life is hard. but that's what makes it worth it i reckon.

i wonder what i should make for dinner..

pbj... and soup. probably. yum. yep.
2 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Tuesday, July 24th, 2007
10:32 am - ding ding
So I decided I wanted to update this hear LJ... Then I changed my mind. But I'm making myself anyway.

My stomach hurts a bit and I'm exhausted. I mean, I'm awake and what have you, but my body wants to hibernate so badly.

Update for those of you who read this thing and don't know yet.. though you should.. so here it is. So yeah, I got a job and moved to NY about a month and some change ago. I know, it was summed up that easily haha. Anyhow, it's not so bad up here. I get stressed, lonely, frustrated, sad, etc. sometimes.. But I mean, there are a lot of good things about it too and it just takes time to settle. The friends I do have up here are pretty great and I'm lucky that some of them have been like best friends/family to me so it was kind of like going to a second home. Good peoples.

Yeah.. new rugby team, new job, new state, new friends, etc. I'm starting over. If I were me, I'd make the best of it.
5 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
9:06 pm
Oh my goodness.. where to start..

I mean, things are going decently. School is good, rugby is good, etc.

I hurt my leg at a tournament last weekend on Sunday. Monday it hurt so bad I went to the ER. I have had nothing but doctor appointment upon doctor appointment since last Monday and continuing on. ER, hospitals, Ortho, eye doctor, dentist, all of them. What the fuck, right? Haha.
Only badly sprained my MCL.. it hurts like a bitch, but it could be worse.

We have souths this weekend in South Carolina. Playing AHO and then from there, who knows yet.

I've decided that when/if I have a child, their tv intake is going to be minimal. I notice thata lot of situations in life seem so surreal sometimes.. movie-like if you will.. And I just get stuck in the notion that like.. When something bad happens its.. a. the end of the world for the moment. or b. it'll iron itself out like it never happened. Life doesn't necessarily work like this, buttttttt. Eh. I just need to reattain (if that's even a word) a better grasp/concept of reality. I don't know if any of that makes sense or not.

Anywho.. I guess I should start reading. Boop be doop.
1 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
12:02 pm
Today today... Laying in bed.. I don't believe I want to go anywhere.. I think I'll call and cancel my appointment. Tell them I have car trouble still or something.

I feel so drained.. physically and emotionally/mentally/however you want to look at it.. The latter of the two comes in at a close second in comparison.

So much rugby in one week, it's no wonder why I'm aching physically.. It was good though. It isn't as bad now as it was the other day of course. I won't lie when I say that I'm looking forward to a two week break between games.

Man, I don't wanna do shit right now.. except maybe read. And by read I am referring to my books for classes. I don't think I want to work on any of my papers though.. however, that is subject to change.

it's cold in my room.
hey ya?
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
10:56 pm - Twinkle Toes
So yeah, dunno why I titled this twinkle toes..

I hope everyone is having a good Valentine's Day. So far I got to sleep in a little, went to a meeting, and I cleaned my car. Oooooh. Even went to the gas station and vacuumed it out. Word. Then I went to the car store place thing and got a bulb thing for my turn signal cuz one is out and I bought tint to tint my windows.. I thought I could manage that alone.. but.. Well, we'll just say I'll have my mom do it. Haha.

Soooo yeah. That's my story. I reckon I'll have more to write about later...

Oh, and I got a 90 on my sex offenders test.. that pretty much rules.
2 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
12:47 pm - Some Survey Thing
What do I do when I'm sitting in class bored and taking notes? Yep. Here ya go.

REPOST AS HOW MUCH HAVE YOU CHANGED IN 10 YEARS

10 years ago
1.) How old were you?
13

2.) Where did you go to school?
Galaxy Middle School

3.) Where did you work?
Nowhere.. i believe that just might have been illegal.

4.) Where did you live?
Deltona, Fl

5.) Where did you hang out?
with softball kids and in the band room

6.) Did you wear glasses?
Yeah haha

7) who was your best friend
At 13.. Celia

8.) How many tattoos did you have?
0 at 13. I know, and you all thought i was just so hardcore. Hah.

9.) How many piercings did you have?
My ears but I never wore earrings.

10.) What car did you drive?
a huffy. haha

11.) Had you been to a real party yet?
probably...? I don't remember.

12.) Had your heart broken?
Not yet

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
Single

----------------5 years ago----------------------

1.)How old were you?
18

2.) Where did you go to school?
Nowhere.

3.) Where did you work?
God, lots of random places.. brief military stint, books-a-million, hot topic, for a school district. some tech place.

4.) Where did you live?
Florida and then to New York for a bit. Then back to Florida

5.) Where did you hang out?
Depending where I was.. orlando, nyc, with friends and shit.

6.) Did you wear glasses?
contacts

7.) Who was your best friend?
Marlene and Dexter

8.) Who was your crush?
ah no clue.

9.) How many tattoos did you have?
1... i think I had all 4 before 19 though.

10.) How many piercings did you have?
my lip i think and i don't remember how old I was when I got my septum.. probably 19 or 20..

11) What car did you drive?
brown ford tempo bitches.

12.) Had you had your heart broken?
yeah

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
bounced around a bit

**Jan 2007**

1.) How old are you?
23

2.) Where do you work?
student

3.) Where do you live?
deltona and i spend a lot of time at my girlfriend's

4.) Do you wear glasses?
contacts

5.) Who is your best friend?
katie, anna, and i still have a place in my heart for my old best friends too.

6.) Do you talk to your old friends?
yeppers

7.) How many piercings do you have?
nada

8.) How many tattoos?
4

9.) What kind of car do you have?
a pink truck and a white truck. don't ask.

10.) Has your heart been broken?
no

11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?
taken

current mood: bored
hey ya?
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
4:12 pm - Chillin Chillin
So I'm home right now. I know I haven't posted in a hot minute.. it's sportatic, ya know..
Last semester, so I'm trying to make sure I do damn well. Well, I have 2 summer classes before I'm 100% done.. but you know what I mean.

Rugby is going well, the lady and I are well and getting better. We hit a bit of a rough spot, but it's shaping out and things seem better than ever. So boo ya. I love her.

For some reason I am sooooo damn tired right now. Thinking about it, I feel like this most Wednesdays. Probably because my Tuesdays are asskickers. Who's to say.

I'm watching Maury and it's talking about missing kids and doing basically a PSA to help find them. It's a good way to use mass media for something more positive. Missing children is always sad to hear about.

I need to read my books.. at least get to chapter 2 in all 4 of them. I tried to read when I took Mia to the dog park.. you'd think it would be a good atmosphere for reading being that it was pretty much dead and not busy what so ever. But no. At least I read like 15 pages in one book.

What to do with myself.. tsk tsk.

current mood: tired
hey ya?
Sunday, December 31st, 2006
4:33 pm - Holy Tamales!!!
So yeah, now it's New Year's Eve. I didn't realize it had been so ridiculously long since I posted anything.. I mean, I know it's few and far between.

Ah well.

Things are good. Life, girlfriend, dog, school, rugby, everything.. it's pretty much all going pretty well. Bumps here and there, but ah well. They smooth themselves out.

I'm starting the health freak me again tomorrow. Summer hit and I went a little downhill.. Granted, I got too skinny (145ish for about 6' is a smidge stickish). I need to lose a few cuz I went a little overboard when I learned how good food was again haha. So yeah. workin it.

Well, my computer is about to die.. so I'll post more later. Mhm.

Get crunk!
2 shook it like a polaroid picture.| hey ya?
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